No answers, just more questions...

Years ago I had a workmate who would take 2 weeks annual leave every year, the same time every year, and to much the same destination every year. He would talk about it for months before his trip. Off he would go with his family, returning 2 weeks later suntanned and looking relaxed. And within the week, he would be planning the next year's leave and the treadmill would start rotating again.

I used to look at him and think that was not the way I wanted to live my life. I was determined my life would be more than just 2 weeks of sunshine every year. That my work life balance would be... well, more balanced!

And yet, here I was (prior to my recent trip to the States) not having had a holiday for nearly 3 years! Not only was I not living his dream, I was living my nightmare! It is hardly surprising that people are now saying I look like a new person. That I look younger. That I am more relaxed!

It was long overdue, and the holiday was the break I needed.

Having said that, it wasn't quite what I had planned... I was hoping during my 6 and a half weeks away, to spend some time thinking about what it was I wanted to do. With my job, with my flat, with my (non-existent) relationship. With my life. My job, my home and my relationships all need change.

I had planned on taking time out to reflect... to really explore the things in my life that were making me unhappy. To make some decisions as to where I needed to go to start turning things around. And to put some plans together as to how to do it.

Don't get me wrong, I am grateful for all I have. My friends, my family, my home... even my job. But the fact is, I don't feel happy. I feel like I am treading water. Surviving. One day at a time.

And the thing is, in the end, it didn't quite go the way I was planning anyway... As I said, I had a great time, it felt like I was away f o r e v e r. And maybe just taking that time out, set things in motion.

Because just the day before I left, I was told that my job was changing. That by the time I returned, another person would be employed to run the studio and I would return to a more 'hands on' role. Back to being a mac operator while someone else took the reigns. It came as quite a shock. And of course, while I was away it was on my mind quite a bit. It left me in a state of uncertainty, over which I had absolutely no control.

True to their word, on the day I returned to work, there was a new studio manager starting in my old role, and my working life changed significantly.

What does this mean?

Where am I heading?

How do I feel?

What next?

Right now, I don't have a clue.

I am just going with it and enjoying being back as part of the team.

Letting go. Holding on.

Great traveling companions...

Did I tell you I am traveling to the States with my Mum?

For ages I had been talking of escape and adventure and taking a break from the world. Thing is, I wanted to escape everything and everyone, and this was the reason (in part at least) that I took so long to decide what to do and where to go... Because (and here comes the confusing bit) although I wanted to escape, I didn't really want to spend the entire 6 weeks on my own - I also wanted to have company at times too. I really didn't know what I wanted. Apart from everything of course!!!

And so, when I told my Mum I was going to the States, I asked if she wanted to come along too. And of course the answer was yes! There are many great things about this. Amongst them... I get along well with my Mum and we travel well together. We are interested in many of the same things... art, beauty, nature, people watching, relaxing, good food and fun. On top of that, she is like traveling with my own history book as she was bought up in the days when history was a strong part of a child's education and she remembers so much of it!

Also, she understands that I like my own space and we are not so precious that either of us will take it personally if one of us wants to do something different for a day or two.

Originally we agreed that out of 6 weeks away, we would spend 4 weeks together and 2 weeks apart (this I admit, was at my suggestion). I saw it as a good balance without either of us feeling too crowded and not being isolated either. I had plans to head to the Virgin Islands for a beach break and Mum was heading to Nova Scotia to soak up some Canadian goodness.

I was both excited (for me) and a little jealous (of her) at the same time. But the more I thought about it, the more I thought that Mum had the right idea... I reaslised that traveling to the Northern parts of the States, just to escape it for two weeks by traveling South for 7+ hours, was just a little bit crazy. I had come all that way, why not make the most of the area while there?

And so, I changed my plans. We have now decided that we will probably hang out together for most of the time... mostly because we want to do most of the same things anyway and it will be more fun with company. And if we decide to go our own way for a day or two at any stage, that's cool too.

Seems finding a rich Texan millionaire (and potential husband) is probably not likely to happen while hanging out with my Mum, and I won't be skinny dipping in the Carribean any time soon, and I'm pretty sure I can say we will not be bungy jumping, paragliding or climbing any glaciers, but that's ok. Because even if I miss out on these few things, we are going to have a great time together regardless.

Just ten sleeps to go!

Selling up to go traveling...

I chose this image because (as you know) it's just 37 sleeps to the USA, but also because this is my car - well it's the same version as my car - a 40th anniversary edition to commemorate when the Mini won the Monte Carlo Rally in 1964.

Mine doesn't have the checkered roof or details, but it has a number 37 on the side (the number of the car that won the race).

I love it, though recently I have been considering selling it and going traveling for a year. What do you think?

Any buyers?

* I just wanted to say a very big thank you to everyone for your comments and suggestions re travel to the USA and apologise for not getting around to many blogs lately (and those I do visit I haven't been leaving many comments). Planning for the big trip has been keeping me busy, but I am still here and lurking about. And I will return!

42

You guessed it.
42 Sleeps to USA.
(Not that I'm counting!)

Coming soon - Project USA.

Studio sneak peek...

Just a quick look... the colour isn't right, but it gives you a bit of an idea.

Back at work today and then straight back home tonight to get organising!

If patience is a virtue, it certainly isn't one of mine...

Many months ago, Mal and I called it a day. He moved into my front room and we both got on with our separate lives, whilst we continued to share our living space. I've gotta say, anyone I have told, has looked at me with a combination of shock and confusion and wondered at how it was working.

Mostly it worked ok. For both of us. And I am happy to say, we are still friends. He has recently met someone else and moved in with her just last week. So I now have my flat all to myself, and I am LOVING it.

But it's a weird thing. Now that I have my space and I have so many things to do, I also find I have to ask for help when there are things to do that I cannot handle alone. It's not something I particularly like to do, as I prefer not to impose on other people's time. But that is the way of being single again - I just have to ask if I need help. To assemble furniture. To move furniture. To paint a room. In the end, I decided to pay a painter to do the room as I recently developed tendonitis in my wrist and thumb and did not want to aggravate it.

So today the empty room is being painted... and while the painter works away in my soon-to-be studio, I am in my room sorting through stuff and clearing space so that I can move my desk and my computer out of my bedroom and into the studio. The bed is piled high with books and the things I had been stacking up or hiding under my desk for the last 6 months.

I am trying not to pace.

After the painter finishes, I have a friend coming over and she and I will tackle the Ikea shelves* I bought on the weekend. Then move some furniture.

Once the 'heavy' moving has been completed, there is still much to do. I will manage the rest on my own... the organising, rearranging, hanging pictures, and rearranging again... I love this stage, so it's a struggle to even sit still and wait right now. If patience is a virtue, it certainly isn't one of mine.

It's Wednesday. I have the day off. Tomorrow I am back at work, and I know I will want to be here, but I will just have to (continue to) be patient.

Breathe 1, 2, 3...

*Special thanks to my friend Lyn who came to my rescue for the Ikea collection combat mission! And to Lou for making up the Ikea assembly team! You guys are great and I couldn't have done it without you! Thanks. xx

2010 - Bring it on...

May the new year bring you peace and happiness.

Spring has sprung... Let's Party!

Today is the first day of Spring. And that means Summer is just around the corner... This is definitely reason to celebrate.

Spring is nature's way of saying, "Let's party!"
ROBIN WILLIAMS