Rude, just plain rude...

Yesterday I was standing in a queue to buy a drink at my place of work (large corporation, has small shop amongst many other on-site serveries that mean the staff don't have to leave the premises).

As I stood there, a guy I know came and joined the queue and together we were waiting patiently and making small talk as the queue progressed. A few moments later, the queue was also joined by his boss... who immediately interrupted our conversation and started talking about work!

What he had to do, what the next deadline was, what her expectations were.

He was on LUNCH for goodness sake!

Lunch time is lunch time and work time is work time.

Not to mention butting in on a conversation!

Lady - you need to get some manners...

That was just plain rude.

Day three - where's the life-raft?

I had that feeling today like I'm swimming as hard as I can, but drowning despite my efforts.

It's day 3. 

It's a new job.

New rules.

New people.

New ways of doing things.

My expectations are high.

It's such a terrible feeling though, not knowing what I am doing... having to ask question upon question. Where assumptions are made that explanations are not required or verbal briefs are enough, when often they are totally inadequate.

I am missing the comfort and ease of my old job, but I know this is right. I know it takes time to settle in. This is change for the better. And this feeling is all about doing something new and being challenged.

And yet, I hate that feeling of gasping for air.

Shouldn't I be doing an easy backstroke by now?

Saying goodbye is never easy...

I am hopeless at saying good-byes. I try to keep them short and sweet because I get emotional otherwise. Which generally means I don't manage to say the things I want to say.

And more often than not, I cry. Why you ask? Well, 'coz that's just what I do! I try not to, which means when the tears do ultimately come (and they nearly always do), it ain't pretty! It gets all gulpy and blotchy and runny. Just plain embarrassing really.

Today is going to be full of fond farewells.

After-all, you don't work in one place for five years without making friends. Good ones. And despite the fact that I am ready to begin the challenges of a new job, I am not happy about leaving so many great people behind.

Five years working in the same place has it's pitfalls and there are many things I will not miss. BUT. I will miss the people I have worked with for so long. People who have made me laugh, kept me busy, listened (and not listened), brought me back to earth, even shared a few tears... and through it all, kept me sane. I can probably even blame a bit of the crazy on a few of them as well!

Regardless. I have made good friends. And for that I am so so grateful. Because at the end of the day, good people are what makes an ordinary job good. And a good job great.

So to all of you who kept me sane and made my working day all the easier, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. I will miss you.

Saying good-bye is the hardest thing.

Be Open to Change...

This is my mantra for 2011.

Inspired by Patti Digh's "4 Word Self Help" methods and book, I decided to create a 4 word phrase that would encompass all that I want for 2011. And believe me there is a lot I want. And change pretty much covers every aspect. So "Be Open To Change" is perfect.

I went to Camp Creative with the hope of having a light-bulb moment and came away slightly disappointed. I didn't find new direction (though some existing ones have been poked and prodded a little) and I didn't find a new exciting career. Granted, my expectations were high, and I guess at the end of the day (as I have always known) it's down to me.

So... Change in 2011.
Where does one begin?
Well, already there is movement.



Tomorrow will be my last day in my current job, working at The Good Guys Support Centre. The company I work for is a supplier for TGG and I have been working at their premises for nearly 5 years.

Up until late last year, I was running the studio that creates TGG press and in-store advertising. And then, just before I left to the States in August last year, I was told they were 'replacing' me and my fellow manager with one manager to oversee the entire team... and that I would be returning to a more 'hands on' role. True to their word, on the day I arrived back from leave seven weeks later, my replacement began and my job changed.

Stepping away from the role of running the studio has taken some amount of adjustment, but it's been especially good to release the responsibilities that had become so stressful and also to get back to design, page build and layout. It's been fun and refreshing to be part of the team, instead of in charge of it.

And then (sounding familiar), just before Christmas, I was offered another role, doing much of the same in a smaller team, far closer to home. It will save me money in tolls, and time and stress on the roads, and being that I wanted change, I said YES.

So next week, it's a new beginning and I am looking forward to it. A different team. A different client. A different location to work and explore.

And whilst this may not be the change that will set my working life alight, it IS change. And as they say, "a change is as good as a holiday". It's a start.

No answers, just more questions...

Years ago I had a workmate who would take 2 weeks annual leave every year, the same time every year, and to much the same destination every year. He would talk about it for months before his trip. Off he would go with his family, returning 2 weeks later suntanned and looking relaxed. And within the week, he would be planning the next year's leave and the treadmill would start rotating again.

I used to look at him and think that was not the way I wanted to live my life. I was determined my life would be more than just 2 weeks of sunshine every year. That my work life balance would be... well, more balanced!

And yet, here I was (prior to my recent trip to the States) not having had a holiday for nearly 3 years! Not only was I not living his dream, I was living my nightmare! It is hardly surprising that people are now saying I look like a new person. That I look younger. That I am more relaxed!

It was long overdue, and the holiday was the break I needed.

Having said that, it wasn't quite what I had planned... I was hoping during my 6 and a half weeks away, to spend some time thinking about what it was I wanted to do. With my job, with my flat, with my (non-existent) relationship. With my life. My job, my home and my relationships all need change.

I had planned on taking time out to reflect... to really explore the things in my life that were making me unhappy. To make some decisions as to where I needed to go to start turning things around. And to put some plans together as to how to do it.

Don't get me wrong, I am grateful for all I have. My friends, my family, my home... even my job. But the fact is, I don't feel happy. I feel like I am treading water. Surviving. One day at a time.

And the thing is, in the end, it didn't quite go the way I was planning anyway... As I said, I had a great time, it felt like I was away f o r e v e r. And maybe just taking that time out, set things in motion.

Because just the day before I left, I was told that my job was changing. That by the time I returned, another person would be employed to run the studio and I would return to a more 'hands on' role. Back to being a mac operator while someone else took the reigns. It came as quite a shock. And of course, while I was away it was on my mind quite a bit. It left me in a state of uncertainty, over which I had absolutely no control.

True to their word, on the day I returned to work, there was a new studio manager starting in my old role, and my working life changed significantly.

What does this mean?

Where am I heading?

How do I feel?

What next?

Right now, I don't have a clue.

I am just going with it and enjoying being back as part of the team.

Letting go. Holding on.

Biting my tongue till it hurts...

When someone says something that's rude or offensive about someone else, I have no problem speaking up in their defense.

I don't like racism, disrespecting people less fortunate than ourselves or unjust behavior. Basically, I believe we all deserve to be treated fairly and as a result I will often stand up for the underdog.

And yet, when someone says something insulting directed at me, I am usually so speechless I say nothing in response. Mostly I am in shock that anyone would say something so incredible. And because I am in a state of disbelief they don't get a response. And they get away with it.

Later it just makes me angry. And whilst I hate confrontation, I just wish I was capable of responding at the time and calling the offender on their behavior. Saying something witty and sharp. To put them in their place.

I wish I could put them on the spot and confront them.
And tell them they suck.
Either that, or give them a quick sharp slap across the face.

A long weekend is just a day and a half of madness away...

Believe me, it's been madness here, and I am looking forward to a long weekend.

Not long now and I'll be enjoying...

A walk along the beach...

Good company and coffee...

And a peaceful view...

THIS is what keeps me going.

Time for a little rest & relaxation...

It's always a crazy time of year for me on the work front.
I am glad to say, I can now breathe a little easier and enjoy a few days off in the sunshine.

Hope you are all taking some time out too.
Enjoy!

I'm over worked...

For a couple years I've been blaming it on lack of sleep, not enough sunshine, too much pressure from my job, earwax build-up, poor blood or anything else I could think of. But now I found out the real reason.

I'm tired because I'm overworked.

Here's why:

The population of this country [Australia!] is 20 million.
9 million are retired.
That leaves 11 million to do the work.
There are 7 million in school, which leaves 4 million to do the work.

Of this there are 2 million employed by the federal government, leaving 2 million to do the work.
0.5 Million are in the armed forces preoccupied with finding Osama bin Laden, which leaves 1.5 million to do the work.

Take from the total the 1 million people who work for state and local Governments and that leaves 500,000 people to do the work.

At any given time there are 280,000 people in hospitals, leaving 220,000 people to do the work.

Now, there are 219,998 people in prisons.
That leaves just two people to do the work.

You and me.

And there you are sitting on your arse, at your computer, checking out blogs.
Nice, real nice.

If only I could refrain from talking completely...

I believe if people are genuinely sick, they should take a day or two off work to recover. If they make their sniffling way into the office, they are doing no-one any favours. They should stay at home and NOT spread their germs across shared work surfaces, where their colleagues pick up the baton and join the relay. Their 'working like a trooper' attitude does nothing to alleviate the issue. The spread of disease continues through coughs filled with airborne germs and the smearing of germs around shared kitchens, bathrooms, telephones and keyboards. For a couple of weeks now, work has been suffering the effects of one such 'situation'.

Normally I watch, as one by one, others around me fall victim to the latest illness. Many disappear for a few days of recovery before retuning to the fold refreshed and well slept. Others stick around to "push on". Usually I avoid the passing of bugs from one work colleague to the next, politely declining generous offers to share their ills. Usually.

This time however, somewhere along the way, my body, without my permission I might add, took up the offer and joined the party. It started with a tickle in my throat, which turned to a slow warm singe and then a full burn within a day. A cold was soon added to the mix, and, exacerbated by breathing constantly through my nose, a dry persistent cough. Before I knew it, I was suffering the effects of "The Dreaded Lurgy".

I found avoiding talking was my best medicine. At home alone (with Mal at work) the conversation was limited and generally went unanswered, and I was mostly ok. If only I could refrain from talking completely. At work, where talking was unavoidable, my coughing was impossible to contain. And so the last two days I have been at home resting.

Yes resting. Me.
And I am feeling so much better for it.
I'm ready to face the world once more... and start talking again!

Ever wonder if you are doing the wrong job?

Saying the right thing at just the right time...

I start my course tomorrow... the one I applied for in the first week of November... the course which now seems like it's never going to happen even though tomorrow it begins. It's an arts course which includes painting and drawing, art theory, visiting artists in their studios and hopefully some classes in print making and sculpture.

I will be at school 2 full days a week. Thursday and Friday. I am going part time at work which I consider will be a move in the right direction, though financially it will take a bit of adjustment. New challenges are just around the corner. I am stepping outside the comfort zone once again, which always fills me with a combination of nerves and excitement.

And so, as the day draws nearer and the excitement grows, so too does the doubt. It's the nerves talking, I know it's crazy, but I can't help it. What if I am hopeless? What if I have no talent? What if no-one likes me? What if I don't even like the course? So many doubts swimming round in my head.

I admit only two aloud to Mal.

What if I am no good?
You'll be fine... comes the reply.

"Or worse than that, what if I am the worst in the whole group?"
And the reply? ... "Then you'll be most improved."

That was a pretty cool response. It was a positive angle I hadn't considered.

And there you go, he said just the right thing at just the right time. Put it all in perspective somehow. And I am still nervous and I still have (a few) doubts, but it will all be fine. Of course I know everything will be OK, but it's nice to hear it from some-one else sometimes.

Now... where's my pencil case?

How far have we come?

Last week I was at work when my boss walked in and informed a workmate that the tyres on her car looked flat. The two front ones, he claimed, were looking like they needed air... urgently.

"How do I do that?" came the reply.

I was not alone when I took a quick inward breath! We all looked at her in disbelief. She didn't know the last time the tyres had been checked, though she did know she had never (I repeat NEVER!!!) checked them herself!

She protested, with a smile on her face, exclaiming that she did know how to check the oil and the water and surely that was better than nothing. And yes, we had to agree, but we all asserted it was time she learnt how to check a tyre's pressure and pump it up if necessary.

My boss came to her rescue, offering to take her car and drive to a local service station to check and fill the tyres to their recommended pressure. I did suggest she go with him, but she wasn't too bothered, and he was fine with the arrangement.

Just for the record the tyre pressure was low... the recommended level was 32 and they were at 18. Thankfully she is now driving in a safer car.

Sunday Wonderings...

I often sit at my computer at this time on a Sunday evening and wonder at where the week-end has gone... Wonder how I managed to get to Sunday night and feel as if I have achieved little. I look at the list of things I needed (or wanted) to do and realise I cannot cross off anything! It makes me feel like I have wasted two 'free' days and the list is a harsh reminder that I have to go back to work the next morning having missed my best opportunity to catch up on a few things...

This Sunday night, I am happy to say it has been a productive (if somewhat tiring) week-end.

I have...
Caught up with friends for dinner
Updated my blog and commented on a few others...
Done a bit of (my) birthday shopping (with some success)
Organised a venue for my 40th birthday party...
Started to design the invite...
Made a list of people who I will invite...
Painted 2 windows...
Sanded a door... and stained it...
Painted the area outside my back door...
Watched a couple of movies...
Read a little...
Ate a lot...
Listened to a couple of my favourite CDs...
Thought of lots of things I still need and want to do...
Started another list.

My hands are speckled with paint, my hair has a couple of new colours where I managed to bump up against wet surfaces, my back is sore and my nails will never be the same again.

And although each job has invariably added another to the list, I feel good.

Just one of those days

You know the ones I mean.

When you go out for your early morning walk (to avoid the noise and fumes from the traffic) and at nearly every side street a car appears and you have to wait while they pump the throttle and spew poison into your lungs, because they are too rude to give way to pedestrians...

When you go out for breakfast and the service is bad, the toast soggy with butter and the eggs are cold before they hit the plate...

When there is a pile of work waiting in your in-tray that has miraculously appeared since the time you said your good-byes the night before...

When you try and organise a night out with a group of friends and the ONLY available date is the night you reserved weeks ago intended for nothing but you...

When the new guy at work corners you in the lunchroom (when you are trying to have some quiet work free lunch) and tells you he's got heaps of work coming in that has to be signed off ASAP because he is going to Sydney tomorrow...

When you want so much to be positive, but well, it all just seems a little too hard and you would prefer to be curled up in bed with a good book and the electric blanket turned up to high...

When you don't want to talk and don't want to listen, but people keep asking you questions anyway...

You know what I mean - it's just one of those days...

Aye aye aye!

First it started with my company blocking gmail. It was a bitter blow. This was my only contact with the outside world in an otherwise long long day of work drudgery. I was unhappy with my quarantine. And then, as luck (and a tech savvy friend) would have it, we found a way around the block and secretly accessed our mail. There was elation, celebration and then (as our secret was discovered) commiseration.

I contacted tech and was given the usual 'company policy' line. There were no opportunities for negotiation. Believe me I tried. I even tried to defend it's use with work as my excuse. Alas the power hungry tech gods were unbending in their control.

I get it. Really I do. They don't want people using personal emails, tapping away the hours to family and long lost friends on work time. Emails can take up a lot of time to the detriment of work. I get it. And all this would be fine... but why then can yahoo, hotmail and messenger still be accessed. Where is the sense in that?

So in the end I gave up. Well sort of. I got myself a yahoo account and set up my gmail to forward all emails. At least then I could read my emails during the day and respond if I so inclined. NOW however, I can't seem to open my yahoo mail.

OK - it's official. I'm bored...

So I’m bored.
This is not just a spare moment in the day when it occurs to me I am uninspired and wish I was anywhere but here (though this is certainly the case). Oh no. This is SO much more than that!

I am bored. Groundhog day, what else can I eat? who else can I call? what would I like to be doing other that this? What is Paris Hilton doing at the moment? Who left that cup in the staff kitchen sink? BORED.

Bored bored bored bored (pause) bored bored bored!
How many Beatles songs can I list? What time will my next job land on my desk? Who will be the first to speak? How long will Matt be on his next call for? What time will I be able to leave today? Would anyone notice if I disappeared for half an hour? What made that mark on my sleeve? Bored.

BORED.
B O R E D
bored.
Beee Ohhh aaaahhhh eeeeee dddeeee
Bored

Is that how you spell bored? Am I going crazy?
No – just bored.

New 'fun' policy at work

It's all very well - encouraging fun and frivolity at work. It's a great idea and I applaud them for it. Really I do. But at the end of the day, when we want to leave on time and work isn't signed off until the dot of five (or after) because everyone has been too busy having fun to talk to their clients, well, it aint so much fun then.

I have lots of fun things I want to be doing once I finish my work day!
Enough already. Let me leave on time.