I've been pretty cranky this week.
Mostly about work, but not that excited about much else either. September is often like this for me as I drag myself out of my winter slump. But work is especially getting me down. Whenever new work drops into my intray, I sigh with resignation that it's groundhog day again. Same thing, day in, day out.
Most days I just get on with it, but some days it gets me down. Yesterday was one such day. And it showed.
I was less than receptive when Amy (client and also good friend) dropped a job to me and I showed her little enthusiasm. I only managed a weak smile and I later emailed her to apologise. She has known for a long time that I am not happy at my work, and her response was a big cyber hug into my email inbox.
You haven’t been happy here for a long time. That’s before the job crapiness, and before your brother died and everything. I think it’s time we let the butterfly out of the cage... Where would you like to spread your wings Miss?
And herein lies my biggest problem. I really don't know. I have absolutely NO eFn IDEA where to spread my wings.
Her reply to me:
Ok, tell me when in the last 5 – 10 years you have felt happiness. When have you been complete and most at peace. Give me a place, or an event, or a set of circumstances. Just think about it and then type without judgement...
And so she reminded me once again to look for my happiness where I have found it in the past...
Learning new stuff.
Especially creative things.
Spending time creating and being with people who are positive and enthusiastic about doing the same.
And hanging out with friends.
And family at the right times.
And when I am challenging myself.
And feeling good about myself.
These things make me happy.
But right now... I feel like a troll.
An angry shitty, disagreeable TROLL.
With bad hair.
And the wise (and loving) reply...
Well, so far I haven’t seen anything that can’t be fixed. You may have momentarily forgotten this, so I’ll happily remind you...
Ah hem. You are a wonderful, kind, creative, talented, inspiring, motivated, funny, gorgeous, warm, caring, articulate, sensitive, original and incredibly strong woman. You WILL find a way to get back to your whole self, it’s coming, promise. You continue to grow your repertoire of talents, whether that’s in the creative area, or just dealing with different sorts of people, all of these are the skills that will get you to where you want to go. Go home tonight and do something that makes you feel more like you. And a $15 bottle of hair colour does amazing things for a girl’s confidence, trust me! ;)
Awww Ames... what can I say, but thanks. Your reminders and support have got me through to the end of the week. How awesome, that whilst working in a job that I don't much like, I have found such a great friend. That alone makes coming in every day that much easier. Thanks.
Oh, and that hair dye is top of my shopping list for the weekend.
It's a good place to start. And a bit of a lazy start on Saturday.
Have a nice weekend everyone.