101 things about me

Friday, 23 January 2009

Being Australian...

The weather has at last turned to summer. The front and back doors are both open, and a fan circulates the air inside my flat. My flat is warm after a few consecutive days of heat and I am enjoying the balmy evening. It is Friday night and the week-end stretches ahead. Three full days... Monday is a public holiday. Australia Day. And so it seems a perfect opportunity to share a list I was emailed some time ago, about being 'straylian'. (That's 'Australian' for anyone who needs an interpretation!)

You know you're Australian if.....

1. You know the meaning of the word 'girt'.

2. You believe that stubbies can be either drunk or worn.

3. You think it's normal to have a Prime Minister called Kevin.

4. You waddle when you walk due to the 53 expired petrol discount vouchers stuffed in your wallet or purse.

5. You've made a bong out of your garden hose rather than use it for something illegal such as watering the garden.

6. You believe it is appropriate to put a rubber in your son's pencil case when he first attends school.

7. When you hear that an American 'roots for his team' you wonder how often and with whom.

8. You understand that the phrase 'a group of women wearing black thongs' refers to footwear and may be less alluring than it sounds.

9. You pronounce Melbourne as 'Mel-bin'.

10. You pronounce Penrith as 'Pen-riff'.

11. You believe the 'L' in the word 'Australia' is optional.

12. You can translate: 'Dazza and Shazza played Acca Dacca on the way to Maccas.'

13. You believe it makes perfect sense for a nation to decorate its highways with large fibreglass bananas, prawns and sheep.

14. You call your best friend 'a total bastard' but someone you really, truly despise is just 'a bit of a bastard'.

15. You think 'Woolloomooloo' is a perfectly reasonable name for a place.

16. You're secretly proud of our killer wildlife.

17. You believe it makes sense for a country to have a $1 coin that's twice as big as its $2 coin.

18. You understand that 'Wagga Wagga' can be abbreviated to 'Wagga' but 'Woy Woy' can't be called 'Woy'.

19. You believe that cooked-down axlegrease makes a good breakfast spread.

20. You believe all famous Kiwis are actually Australian, until they stuff up, at which point they again become Kiwis.

21. You know, whatever the tourist books say, that no one says 'cobber'.

22. You know that certain words must, by law, be shouted out during any rendition of the Angels' song Am I Ever Gonna See Your Face Again.

23. You believe, as an article of faith, that the confectionary known as the Wagon Wheel has become smaller with every passing year.

24. You still don't get why the 'Labor' in 'Australian Labor Party' is not spelt with a 'u'.

25. You wear ugh boots outside the house.

26. You believe, as an article of faith, that every important discovery in the world was made by an Australian but then sold off to the Yanks for a pittance.

27. You believe that the more you shorten someone's name the more you like them.

28. Whatever your linguistic skills, you find yourself able to order takeaway fluently in every Asian language.

29. You understand that 'excuse me' can sound rude, while 'scuse me' is always polite.

30. You know what it's like to swallow a fly, on occasion via your nose.

31. You understand that 'you' has a plural and that it's 'youse'.

32. You know it's not summer until the steering wheel is too hot to handle.

33. Your biggest family argument over the summer concerned the rules for beach cricket.

34. You shake your head in horror when companies try to market what they call 'Anzac cookies'.

35. You still think of Kylie as 'that girl off Neighbors'.

36. When returning home from overseas, you expect to be brutally strip-searched by Customs - just in case you're trying to sneak in fruit.

37. You believe the phrase 'smart casual' refers to a pair of black tracky-daks, suitably laundered.

38. You understand that all train timetables are works of fiction.

39. When working on a bar, you understand male customers will feel the need to offer an excuse whenever they order low-alcohol beer.

40. You get choked up with emotion by the first verse of the national anthem and then have trouble remembering the second.

41. You find yourself ignorant of nearly all the facts deemed essential in the government's new test for migrants.

42. You will immediately forward this list to other Australians, here and overseas, realising that only they will understand


trashalou said...

As one of the o/s dwellers I found myself laughing out loud at your list - and with the possible excpetion of one was able to tick them all.

FYI 'girt' is also used here in the West Country of England but actually has a DIFFERENT meaning!! Here it means big or large, imagine a word as obscure as 'girt' having multi-purpose usage!

little red hen said...

This made me laugh! Perhaps there should have one in there to say that although we love our public holidays we also have no idea of why we are actually celebrating. When mycleaning lady from Thailand asked why we celebrated Australia day on the 26th being a true Aussie I had to pause and guess then google the actual reason. Now we are both informed.(A bit embarrasing as I'm a school teacher!)

Renee said...

There is a Canada one like this and even a Manitoba one. They are so true that only those who live there can get it. I love that.

Love Renee

justrun said...

I actually understood something! ("You believe all famous Kiwis are actually Australian, until they stuff up, at which point they again become Kiwis.")

Could I be 1/42 Australian?!


Jenny said...

LOL! Thanks for making me smile! We are a funny lot!

Ish said...

Yes indeed!!
and welcome back on line.

Lilli boo said...

hey there, I received this too through email and it made me giggle..I love the fact you have put it out there for those who may not have read it...Trashalou's comment made my day!

emma said...

Love this list and I must agree, being a true blue dinkum aussie sheila.

Melanie Gray Augustin said...

I loved this list. Ahhh... made me homesick :)

shanshanigans said...

I'm not at all Australian, btu this did make me laugh!

Anna Lloyd said...

Haha, this was quite obviously written by someone from Pen-riff!