Kylie is in crisis, and I know this how? It is in a magazine on the lunch table at work... "No Idea" I think! Oops, sorry, I meant "NEW Idea"... what WAS I thinking?
Apparently Kylie is in the throes of a midlife crisis. She turns 40 soon. Actually she turns 40 on the 28th May next year. That being the case, I hit this milestone some 7 months before her. In less than 2 weeks now I turn 40. I know, I don't believe it either.
Anyway, apparently Kylie worries, that once she turns 40, her fans will see her only as a novelty act and not as a sex symbol anymore! Kylie is at her wits end as to how to find a reliable man who isn't overwhelmed by her celebrity or charm. The clock is ticking and she wants a baby before it's too late. Olivier doesn't look like he's coming to the party and time is running out it seems. Things are reaching desperation point with every moment she edges nearer her 40th birthday.
Given this piece of news, it has occurred to me, that maybe I should be having a mid-life crisis too. Afterall, I turn 40 in less than 2 weeks and if Kylie's having her mid-life crisis already (7 months early), then I had better get a move on!
Where to start? How does one go about this mid life crisis malarky anyway? I have thought long and hard and here's the thing. I have decided I don't need a mid-life crisis. I am far too busy, I have so many other things to fill my time... it will just have to wait.
Lately I have noticed I have wrinkles I didn't know were possible and I now have a weekly appointment with my beauty therapist who peels my ageing skin and replenishes it with gallons of scented oils and moisturiser.
I have a regular delivery of extra strength hair dye with extra strength frizz control, guaranteed to cover all greys and flatten all the wiry hairs that stick out in all directions.
Every night I paint my teeth with whitening fluid, in an attempt to return them to their former shine. I worry my teeth will not last the distance. I haven't been to the dentist for nearly 10 years for fear they will insist they aren't worth keeping and they need to be replaced with a set of falsies.
Speaking of falsies, that appointment is booked for next week, and I don't care to know the cost, I just want to know how soon I can return to the solarium. It must be in time for my all over tan to be just right for summer.
I have enrolled in a local course in sms language. It is teaching me how to abrvE8 and txtspk. It's 2nites a wk. I'm slow. It's taking me 4eva to catch on. Y bother, u may ask... I dk. However, if I get this message... hi m8 u k? sry 4gt 2 cal lst nyt. Y dnt we go c flm 2moz? I now understand I am being asked to go and see a movie tomorrow nite. LOL.
My personal trainer is on strict instructions... there is no time to rest. Work, work, work is our motto. There is no time to waste. I have a sixpack to find within two weeks and sitting on my butt wasn't having the results I was hoping for. I need to squeeze into my bikini top and mini skirt in time for the party.
So, you can see my point. There is so much to do at this busy time in my life, the mid-life crisis will just have to wait. Besides, since I plan to live until I am 105, my mid-life crisis isn't due for at least another 10 years.
7 comments:
Wow, I didn't know that you had grey hair. I know where you can get a bulk deal on Polyfiller for the wrinkles - just don't sneeze as the result will likely scare small children. Six packs can be had from the bottle shop and squeezing into the bikini top and mini skirt is not a problem it's the bits that tend to squeeze out of them that may also scare small children. Please don't kill me when you get home after reading this, it really is a joke - REALLY!
Malcolm, you are either a very a brave man or an extremely foolish one my friend!
Ahhh Malcolm, Malcolm, Malcolm... Who says I am coming home??? I think I might need a drink to drown my sorrows!
Yes, polyfiller may be the next item on the shopping list, and a trip to the bottle shop doesn't sound like a bad idea either.
Wanderer, you are right... on count 2.
This post made me giggle - thanks.
That was hilarious! Although the pressure is now on for my fortieth ...thankfully you have created the list I require for preparing my debut into 40 next year. I have about 5 months to go. Oh my god..now I'm really panicking!!!!!!
LOL! Beauty therapist? Crap, I need to get on it I guess!
Go Girl! Speaking from experience 14 months ago to be precise.
Turning 40 is a fantastic age and time of you life. I and have heard from so many other, that it is the time in your life when you don't need to worry about the rest of the world and don't put up with shit anymore. It is such a refreshing way to feel.
We will certainly be there for you when and/or if you decide to have a midlife crisis.
ps. I wouldn't be a celebrity for quids.
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